Yes, that is a bunch of jumbled thoughts. I have been unsteady recently and it is no good. Nope. I have stayed on top of my work, well, not entirely. I have been managing my work at least. I need to improve that because this past month was not a good month work wise. Thankfully, of the nine months I've worked at LUO this has been the only month I can say it was rough. I know I can improve. I basically just need to be sure to go back to my normal level of work load. I have stayed on top of my homework. True, next week and probably the following week will not be very pleasant as I will have another class to add to my work load. Matthew will have three classes going at once. This doesn't seem like a lot, but we are both working full time and rarely see each other since we work opposite schedules. It is draining. But so far, I have managed to stay on top of my school work and I am getting a 98% in my class right now. Yet, I feel like I'm failing. Why? I haven't been very good about spending time with my friends. When I am tired I stay home. When I have homework to do I stay home. When I miss my husband and he has the night off I stay home. I miss my friends. I did get to talk to Abby today. That did my heart good. I probably will feel better when my parents get back in the States so I can have a good long talk on the phone with my mom. I want them to come back to visit. They just came. Literally. Living far away from home stinks.
Being a girl and organizing all these messy emotions is zero fun. Zero. I'm having a bad streak. At least it hasn't been a hateful streak. Just a cry at the drop of a pin streak. Boo hoo. I'm probably just being a big baby, like usual. I need to grow up and get a positive attitude. It will come. It always does. This is just a valley, for no good reason. That's why it bothers me so much. No good reason at all.
I feel like I need to go on an inspirational trip. Not just a vacation, that is the easy way out. Something that will stretch me to my limits and make me realize my blessings. Something that will motivate me. Possibly a missions trip. I haven't been on a missions trip is a good long while. Possibly some kind of human service trip to a disaster area. I kind of think a week of solitude with my Bible and my journal would do me good. I've always wanted to do one of those monk-camp things. I'm not sure what they are. The kind that Lucy went on in 7th Heaven. I only remember part of that episode. I didn't watch that show too much. But I wanted to go on one of those things when I was in high school but my parents said no. Maybe it would be helpful?
Probably (hopefully) after another week of moping around I will straighten up. I just feel very sad now. My husband working evenings and not getting home until after I should be in bed doesn't help. Either I go to bed and don't see him at all. Or I stay up to see him and then have a horrible day at work because I'm so tired.
Life is never easy.
On a brighter note, I was able to defend my faith today. What I said made sense and wasn't just a matter of words that came to the conclusion of "because the Bible says so... and I believe it... so it must be true!" No, it actually made logical sense and wasn't just some pat Christian-ese answer. I tend to get emotional in religious discussions and end up not making good sense. I definitely had the other party thinking. Hopefully more good discussions to follow.