Friday, March 12, 2010

Living Life as a Responsible Adult

Somedays I really hate being an adult. My Mabsy and I were talking the other day and saying that the worst part right now is that we still feel like kids and want to act like kids, but we have all the responsibilities of an adult because... we are adults. Now don't get me wrong, there are several things I enjoy about being an adult. Being able to make my own choices, learning how to be responsible with money now that I know how valuable it is, cleaning my own house, finding out who I truly am, discovering who true forever friends are, and of course, having a wonderful husband. But with all of that comes having to plan ahead and make the hard decisions along with the easy and fun, learning to file taxes properly and how to do better with our finances next year, having insects invade our basement apartment because that is where they congregate to no matter how clean I keep the house, discovering that I am not a beautiful person a lot of the time- inside and out, and losing friends I thought I would keep for a lifetime but were sadly just a placeholder in time- every single instance it has been their choice not mine, if you know me then you know I am probably the most loyal friend you'll find.

But I had to make a difficult decision tonight. My dear friend Kristin's wedding is tomorrow. I have been planning on going no matter what. Nothing could stand in my way. This is her day, her celebration, how could I miss it? But then I got sick for the entire week. And it hasn't gotten better. I am always exhausted and everything else associated with illness. The exhaustion is the main factor in this scenario though. No one from Lynchburg (that I know of, I've tried to contact several people about it) are driving down tomorrow and coming back either that night after the wedding or Sunday morning. I would have been fine with either circumstance. But no one is. So I was going to make the trip alone. But since I have not been feeling better this didn't seem like a good idea. Pair that with rain on the forecast and me having absolutely no idea where I'm going... nobody thought this was a good idea. My parents and Matt strongly were opposed to the idea afraid I would crash the car somewhere in my exhaustion. I was determined. I made all my plans and got everything ready in preparation today. And now when it comes down to it, I just don't think I can do it. And that makes me so incredibly sad. And I feel like I'm letting Kristin down. Now I know she will have about 1000000000000000 other things on her mind tomorrow, but I still feel bad. Of course, I would get sick this week.

Sigh. So I will be spending yet another day at home and most likely in bed for most of it. I might venture out to the couch for awhile for a change of scenery.

So I am sad. This will be a wonderful weekend in that Kristin and Kyle will be united in marriage. That is so amazing and I am so happy for them. But it will be so sad for me that I am missing it. I am missing so many of my friends' weddings in Michigan, but I have to also miss Kristin's who is near enough for the trip. It is a five hour drive down there... and then I would leave after the reception and drive back. I just don't think I could do it. I am a lousy person.

The end.

I hope it feels better tomorrow.

No comments: