I thought it was a little time for a layout update. I'm real into natural colors right now. Not in every aspect of life, but in stationary and backgrounds and decor.
I finished my first week at St. Johns off strong. Our classroom is all neat and organized and clean. Ready for our students to come on Tuesday. I'm still a little nervous since I've never taught before, but our lesson plans are very straight forward and simple. I'm sure I'll get into the swing of things within the first week. We don't start our detailed lessons through the alphabet for another two weeks so that will give me time to settle into the classroom routine. I'm not liking this waking up at 6 or 7 every morning business, but that's the price I pay for dropping off applications late every where else in town. Naw, this will be a great job and I am very thankful for it. I just wish the hours started a little later. Isn't that how it always is though? I am very excited to be paired with my lead teacher, Miss Carol. I think she and I will work great together throughout this next school year. I don't anticipate staying at the school next year since I'm still hoping to get a job at Liberty, but I'll keep my options open in case that plan falls through again. The rest of the staff and I get along really well also. I love the environment and the joy of all the teachers. Preschool teachers really are unique and quite lovely. I am proud to be among them. I am extremely shy when placed in a new environment, but the ladies at the school have been very warm and welcoming.
I've been learning a lot about contentment lately. Matthew and I had an interesting conversation last night about contentment. I was supposed to be asleep since I had an early morning at school today. But my heart and my mind were both restless. I had spent a lot of time in the Psalms before settling down for the night and in prayer. I knew I had to change some things in my life drastically. I eventually left the bedroom and went out to sit with Matthew who was playing videogames in the living room. He had today off so he opted to stay up late. I snuggled in close wrapped in a blanket while he maneuvered the controller around my arm attached to his. While he played we talked about selfishness and contentment. While I can choose to live a simple life and I can choose not to indulge in expensive and unnecessary things, that doesn't mean my heart doesn't still want those things. I crave possessions. I have very expensive tastes and style. If given an endless allowance I would spend all day and probably continue for most of the night. There is always more things to buy. It is a bit ridiculous actually. And I truly don't want to be like that anymore. I have decided to stop needless spending. But that doesn't mean I don't still browse websites and desire the name brands I see. A lot of my friends truly don't care for uppity logos and designers. I don't know how they do it. It is so simple to them. They think expensive names are a bit ridiculous. And they are so right. But somehow I have it ingrained in my head that Gap is better than Old Navy and Banana Republic better than Gap. That's just one easy fast example since they are all part of the same line but truly for different classes. It is a chore for me to see clothes as clothes... no matter what the tag says or how much the price was at original value. I hate that about myself.
When I thought, "My foot slips," your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up. WHen the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.
Psalm 94: 18-19
The Psalms are good for the heart. King David was a very interesting fellow. And yet, he was a man after God's own heart. He despaired more than I, he often appears to be more of a drama queen than I. And yet, God chose him very specifically. And look what he did through him! I should be so blessed. And the Lord will always always be there for me. He will always give me a way out of my struggles. He will work in my heart if I soften it and allow Him in. He will change the desires of my heart. I want to serve Him. What difference does it make if I serve Him in Gap chinos or khaki jeans from Walmart? I don't hardly anyone will care, and those who do are just like I am now. And that is not a good place to be.
Be the clay.