This is going to sound slightly ridiculous, but after using my Blackberry so much when I'm on the go and for the few weeks there when we didn't have proper internet connection... I find it almost difficult typing on a regular keyboard! All the letters are in the same order as they are on my phone keypad, but I'm used to the letters being jumbled together and I don't have as much space for my fingers. And I was worried I wouldn't be able to adjust to the blackberry lifestyle. On the contrary, I don't know what I did before it!
Now to the meat.
"Now she sought not the blessing but the Blesser, not the gift but the Giver."
A quote from the book of the day. (Yes, it had gotten to the point of having a book of the day. I am a pretty fast reader, but I need a new hobby. I'm considering going for a morning run tomorrow. We'll see if that happens) It is speaking of God and how the main character has always had a religious viewpoint of Christ. Now she finally has the relationship she has been searching for. And she no longer prays just to receives blessings and gifts in her life, but she yearns for communication with Christ himself.
I have been asking for a lot of blessing and gifts lately. For myself, for those closest to me. I have tried to spend time praising God for just being God as well. Tried to thank Him for all the wonders He does day to day in my life and the lives around me. I have tried to pray for my "enemies" and prayed that my heart will soften towards them. I have tried to pray that my heart will soften to God himself. I have prayed about the kitten situation and the job situation most ardently. But have I truly been wanting communication with Christ simply for what it is? Can I truly say that I have longed for Him with the depths of my soul? Can I truly even say that I have full confidence in Him to do the best for me?
Faith is not easy. It is one of the hardest things for me to accept, yet it also so easy. By faith, I believe in my Lord. By faith, I follow His leading in my life. By faith, I know He loves me and is always watching out for me. By faith, I have stepped into this new chapter in my life of marriage and independence from my parents. But at the same time, when situations do not go the way I had anticipated I can hardly understand God's direction. I find it hard to know exactly why things don't work out the way I want. I question whether God is looking out for my best interests or if He is really just testing me to see how I will react. And should it even matter? I should count myself blessed just to have God thinking about me. If He were to stop thinking about me for even one nano second I would just cease to exist. My existence would suddenly be nothing. Life as you know it would go on with the absence of me. But it would not even be absence, it would be normal. It would be all you had ever known. That is how insignificant my reality truly is. And yet, I am an heir with Christ. I am a child of God. I am part of His very own Body. I am part of the Church, His bride. That makes me special and unique and blessed in and of itself.
So I am both nothing and something very special all at once. I have great faith and little faith all at once. I am joyful beyond words in the Lord and stricken with tears at the same time.
My God is good. His mercies truly are new every morning. I am learning that every day. Just the ability to wake up and my husbands next breath are blessing enough for me.
I have had two meaningful conversations the last couple of days with two very incredible people. Both occurred online at a random time of day when I did not anticipate being caught up in a long conversation. Both happened when I was in the middle of doing something else and really didn't have the desire or the time to be talking. Both were with people who I hardly even know and with whom I've shared probably one conversation with previously. After the initial hellos, I began to feel that both of these people were discouraged and lonely. They both come from difficult situations and have poor friend selection. I decided that while I finished up my business online I could continue to chat with these people. No harm to myself, right? So I talked. And they talked and talked and talked. I'm not sure how they left the conversation. I'm not even sure why each of them initiated the conversation as neither of us has much history to draw upon. But I wonder if maybe, just maybe I was able to be a little bit of a blessing to them. If maybe, just maybe I was able to share the love of Christ with them. I haven't been so good at doing that during my life. I have spent most of my life being a spoiled, selfish brat who thought only of herself. I hope I was able to help them in some way. I hope they went away from our time together feeling slightly uplifted. I will continue to pray for these two random individuals, even if we never speak again.
Bless a life today. It will make you feel so much more alive than you ever would have imagined. It was what we were created for. To know Christ and make Him known.