Saturday, May 31, 2008

Seven more days! Just seven! And yet it still seems like it will be forever until our big day! I am so ready to begin the rest of my life as Mrs. Rebecca Iveson.

Matthew and I were talking about how the last few years have just been one big event to the next! It began with our noticing each other on our first trip to England/ Scotland. Then he was suddenly graduating! He then moved to Virginia. I started my senior year of highschool and we soon started dating when we were sure the long distance thing would work out. Boy did it ever! I had the most amazing seasons of tennis, cheerleading, and chorale and then it was my turn to graduate. I then followed Matthew and moved to Virginia. We went through the stages of college that got increasingly more difficult as we went. He graduated from college in December and began his first real job in the profession he hoped for. I then graduated in May and headed home to prepare for the wedding. Now we are getting married in one short week and are heading back across the sea to where this all began. No let up. I just hope we have some newlywed time between now and the next big step... baby! I would like to be a young mom, but getting married at age 20 should definitely help that. I don't need to get pregnant for at least another two years! So no honeymoon baby for us, we're praying at least!

Wedding preparation is going so well. I have been lazy with the ceremony programs, but they're still getting done here and there. I have no doubt they'll be ready for Saturday. I talked with my future mother-in-law for awhile today with some last minute planning of the rehearsal dinner and other fun wedding issues. I am truly blessed with my in-laws. I know that no matter what happens with Matthew and I, they will always be my family. They are so supportive and encouraging. I know they truly love me. I am so thankful to be entering into their wonderful family.

I have read a lot of books while being home between graduation and now. I didn't realize I'd have so much reading time. I didn't bring enough books home with me! But the last two I read (in the past two days! That's how good they are! you just can't put them down!) were two of Karen Kingsbury's. I had read all of hers when I was in highschool but after awhile got sick of the same old plot line. They are all Christian romance novels. Of the best sort. And I had entirely forgotten just how addicting they are! I found myself wrapped up in Jade and Tanner's story. And it excited me for my future with Matthew. Just as with Jade and Tanner, Matthew and I had our times apart from each other due to other people and situations out of our control. But God brought us back together each and every time and now we're soon to be wed! It has helped me immensely in understanding the certain aspects of marriage. Funny how that sometimes works. A romance novel can indeed teach on how to manage a good and strong marriage! It is good for my heart. It encourages me and I am so excited to begin my life with the love of my life.

As I have packed up the remainder of my belongings in this house I have come across my old journals. Some of which I have thrown away. Some of which weren't quite filled entirely. But most of which I'll keep in storage for memories sake. I found one book that I called my "David" book. In it were letters and songs I had wrote to and about David. There were also clippings from our friendship and life that told our story. I planned on giving it to him at the rehearsal dinner of our wedding. Yes, I once thought I would marry someone other than my Matthew. Shocking. But now that I look back on it, I was not in love with David. Not only because we were a lot younger then, but because there were things that I know I never could have lived with. I knew it then too, but I suppose I always thought those things would change. Well, now not only have those things not changed but a whole new set of lifestyles have been added to the mix which I most definitely could not live with. It does make me sad. This boy who was once my closest friend and acted often as my protector and my guide, this boy who always knew the right answer to my problems and acted with incredible patience towards me, now he is barely 5% of the man he once was. He has changed so entirely and completely that I do not even know if I would recognize him if I passed him on the street. His lifestyle choices have changed his outlook on life and even his outward appearance. And this boy who I spent countless hours running around campus with as a child, now wants nothing to do with me. And it breaks my heart. I do not wish things had turned out differently so maybe he and I would've someday ended up together. No, I wish things could have been different so maybe our friendship would have stayed in tact and maybe he would still the strong man I once knew. He would have been a great husband for some lucky girl out there, but not for me. I would've known that, but it breaks my heart that I had to find out the hard way about him. By him running so far away from everything he once knew and believed in that he forgot even of his past and his existence before. I invited him to the wedding because six years of my life were spent with seeing him everyday and sharing my hopes and dreams and fears with him. But he has not responded. He has shut me out so completely I don't know if he ever even received the invitation. My dear old friend, how I miss him.

My Matthew has only ever been the only one for me. I know that now. God saved me from the heart ache of having multiple relationships and from kissing other boys. I used to hate the fact that all the other girls dated so many guys in highschool and I was always "one of the guys". Sure I made some great male friends during that time and I wouldn't trade those friendships for anything, but I was always incredibly jealous of those other girls all the guys seemed to care about so much more. The truth is though, I side stepped a lot of baggage that could have been carried into my relationship with Matt. I could have brought in expectations from previous relationships. I could have brought in different standards for our physical relationship based on the past. I could have always compared Matthew to my past boyfriends and the way they did things or the things they bought me. Thankfully, by not having any serious relationships prior to Matthew, I've been able to learn with him and grow with him. We've gone through the steps together and fallen more and more in love with each new day. I never wonder what could have happened if so and so and I hadn't broken up. I don't have to worry about feeling like life would've been better if I would've just stayed with so and so. And I especially don't have to worry about comparing Matthew to any past relationships on the physical level. That is one of the biggest blessings I have. God saved me completely for Matthew. And for this I am so grateful. God always knew what he was doing, even if I did everything I could to change that.

Seven days. Only seven days. (I just thought of the girl from the Ring whispering that in my ear as I wrote that... I watch too much television and cinema)

I can hardly wait. I'm practically jumping out of my skin.

Four days until I finally SEE Matthew again. Only four more days.

I miss him.

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