Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Hard lessons

I have learned some things today. Some important, others not so much.

1) Having a working garbage disposal and sink drain makes a world of difference in completing household chores. We probably should've had both replaced when we moved in... but two years later we finally put in a work order and now have a much nicer looking, smelling, and disposing kitchen sink.

2) A cup of coffee in the morning can do wonders. One cup is all that is needed to power through emails, reconcile charges, track down lost documents, and skip an after work nap to spend time with your baby.

3) Proper parenthood begins with a strong, healthy marriage.

4) My priorities should be God, husband, Jackson... not in a very, very different order.

5) Feeling entitled doesn't help you get your way if the other person doesn't agree.

6) Pointing your finger at the other party (literally or figuratively) never solves anything.

7) I am truly selfish, bitter, and resentful when I lie to myself and others and say I am not.

So basically, I need an attitude check. I need to focus on areas I can improve myself and not on areas I feel others can improve themselves in. If I focus on being worshipful of my Savior, respectful and helpful to my husband, and nurturing to my son... everything else will fall into place. That last sentence sounds like simplistic, wishful thinking. But so many of my "problems" stem from my hardened heart, my misplaced priorities, and my personal goals/desires for myself- not for my entire family.

No, I do not have serious marriage issues. At all. But, my marriage is not where it should be to optimally function. Matthew and I still have what I consider to be a high-functioning marriage comparatively to the rest of modern society. But... what standard of comparison is that, really? It all comes down to a heart issue. I know my heart. I know my heart is not where it needs to be. How can I expect to be a good parent when I can't continue to nurture the relationship with my parenting partner?

So, the more serious lessons from that list will be carefully evaluated and put into practice as needed.

Becca, stop it. Becca, stop it. Repeat.