second wind

The past two nights I've been stupid and read until my second wind kicks in. For me, the mean anywhere between 10-11 o'clock so I end up staying up past midnight. Not good. I'll try to be good and go to bed early tomorrow night.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about our future children someday. Not the normal thinking about names, nursury decor, or being a mommy. Although, those topics have been exhausted enough that everything is pretty much decided! When you and your man agree on names for both sexes, the order of those names, and the order of sex and timeline for babies, then that pretty much takes care of itself! But rather, this time I have been thinking about the not so pleasant part of parenting, determining what will happen to the children if Matthew and I are unable to care for them any longer by death or serious injury leaving us in a vegetative state. We plan on getting good life insurance so our kids will be provided for in that case, but guardianship is so important. We'll probably have wills drawn up even before baby number 1 is born. We've discussed it plenty of times and have thrown around a few options. We know for sure who we're going to ask to be our number one caregiver. We plan to have five listed in the will in decending order with the clause that if that person feels they are unable to take on this responsibility at the time they can forfeit their rights. And of course, if at any time prior to our demise (that sounds cheery doesn't it?) the individuals change their minds, we would completely understand and remove them from their position. I know how difficult it would be for me to be in that situation. On the one hand, I would feel honored that someone would trust me with raising their child. On the other hand it would be extremely difficult and completely change life in every aspect. And then on a third "hand", I wouldn't say no unless I really wasn't close to the person. I couldn't if a family member or close friend asked me to. Someone would need to care for the child. I would want to help him or her have the best possible life considering.

With that being said, we are about 95% sure who we'll ask for the number one spot. We'll see if things change between now and baby number one. I'm pretty positive we know the number two spot also. Obviously our parents would be on the list at some point. My parents wouldn't want to be number one I don't think because I was like a second family since I was 12 years younger than my sisters. I don't think going through that again would be preferable. But they will most definitely be on the list. Not sure which number they'll be yet though. I guess it's more up to them. I'm not sure how Matt's parents would feel, but I'm sure they'll be on the list too. Grandparents are obvious choices. My grandparents were my primary caregivers if anything should happen. We're determining between a few other people for the last spot. Of course, this is granting that every one we ask first will have said yes. Hopefully nothing will ever come of this will, but you must be prepared.

It's not a fun thing to think about, really. But it is interesting. It makes you think about your values and parenting styles and how others have the same style or similar as you. Who would you entrust your children too? Do you keep them in the family solely or have friends act as godparents? Do you have a clause staying holiday rules and visitation rights for other family members? So many things to think about. I don't know how many other people out this much thought into this before they're even pregnant. I feel it is important for Matthew and I to discuss so we're prepared and in agreement having carefully thought it through.

Just like I've planned how I'll tell Matt and our close family and friends about baby number 1 someday, I've also planned how we'll ask our guardians. Yes, this is enjoyable to me. Because these are people I respect and love.

Time for bed. Lots of thoughts.