I just finished reading Daniel/ Revelation. I used to think I understood those books when I was young, in 6th grade or so. That was probably around the time the Left Behind series started and like all other good little Baptist children, I read them. Who can understand Revelation? We can only have the slightest idea as to how it will all unfold. Who knows how much is symbolical and how much literal. As I read through it I was imagining everything literal, much how I imagine John seeing it. He might not have been living through it, but it was his vision. What a sight that must have been. I know it all isn't worth getting all aggravated over. It really doesn't matter if you're pre-mill or post-mill. All that matters is that at the end of the age you'll be ready. Ready to face the champion of humanity when he comes riding down to earth on the clouds. Oh to be in Jerusalem on that day. I can only imagine the Mount of Olives- simply glorious. Anyways, I'm not sure how much I believe in the rapture any more. I grew up hearing all about the rapture and believing solidly in it. But I'm not so sure any longer. How better for God to test his people? I'd like to think I'd withstand the trials of the tribulation. Although, I won't be hoping for it any time soon. I would much prefer there to be a rapture. It all seems rather fascinating. Kind of like Aslan from the Narnia Chronicles, not safe but good. A chance to prove once and for all that you aren't just all talk and head knowledge. That you're willing to stand up for what you believe in. That you'll give everything away- your own life and the lives of those you love- for Christ. It's horrible that I doubt myself. I would like to say with confidence that I would never turn to the right or to the left, but if it were my family being tortured before me? If my babies were being ripped apart mercilessly by terribly means? I just pray that if such a day ever faces me I'll have the strength to do what's right. That I'll remember my Savior as he rememered me. People say Christ came to bring peace. So often we hear so much about how it's about the relationship and the religion was destroyed. We hear about forgetting the legalism and getting back to loving others. This is true to some extent, but we can't gloss over the hard facts. Christ came bearing a sword against the world. He came to free us and to judge us. He came to Lord over us and give us eternity. He came loving us more than we could ever even begin to understand. We are to worship him. We are to praise him. We are to glorify him. We are to serve him. He is our Master and Lord and High King. We can't accept the sins of others in the name of love. We love the sinner and discourage the sin. We try to stamp out the sin in our lives and ask for help with what we cannot bear alone. Jesus did give us a personal relationship with Him, but he is much much more than just our friend. He is our Messiah. I think too many people in modern America forget that. But that's another whole topic for another day. Daniel was an amazing man of God (in the Old Testament). He is one of my favorite Biblical characters because there is not one word written against him. Of course, he sinned, but he was found blameless with man and God. What a great honor to have those words written about him. My life has been anything but blameless, but I would like to get to a place in my life where people would describe me as that, "blameless before God and man." It's a long road we journey down.

Some of the kids asked me if I was going to be there teacher next year. Sad sad day. I told them I wasn't going to teach next year but I hope to be back soon. Of course, most of the kids who asked me will be in Pre-K next year and won't be at the school any longer if I return. It's amazing how attached you can get to kids in half a school year. These kids aren't even in my class and I've grown to love them. Maybe preschool is my calling. Who ever would have thought? I love being a part of these kids lives and being able to influence them when they are so young. Some of them need all the love and support they can get since they don't get much of that at home. It's sad, but true. Children are incredible blessings and basically miracles. How kids survive to adulthood is beyond me. They have no fears and believe they are invincible. Guardian Angels must get super tired out with our boys! They are never lacking in energy. So many parents miss out on their children's childhood. It's a shame really. I hope this generation of young mothers really takes to heart the importance of the early years. You can never get first steps or lost teeth or funny quirks again. And so many young mothers continue to work and miss everything except for dinner and bed time. I have always known I was going to be a stay at home mom. From baby number one until that child is around thirteen years old I don't plan on working. I want to be home with the kids until one of them is old enough to babysit. That way if there's a school closing or an emergency I don't have to feel bad about leaving them home alone. By that time who knows if I'll want to work or not. I love the idea of being a housewife. My mom did it and makes it look rather enjoyable.

End of post. Time to get things done. I'm starting a women's Bible study group tonight with a few girls in town. Should be interesting. Hopefully fun and encouraging. Hopefully my schedule will stay consistent too. So I have much to do before leaving. And I'm also trying to find time to see my college friends soon. All of us have such different schedules now it's hard to find a good time for all of us. Me and one other girl are working full time, one is a college RD who has meetings upon meetings at random times plus is on call a lot, two are college RAs that live on different campuses... it's a nightmare trying to get us all together at one time. Sometimes I wish we were all still in college living on the dorm together. But I don't miss actual dorm life, just living close to my friends. They should move next door to me. That would make it all better.

And done.