Through working at the preschool I've been learning a lot about parenting. By working with a group of five-year-olds and interacting with their parents I have learned a lot of dos and don'ts with parenting. I have also been blessed to have two older sisters who each have two children. I have been able to glean a lot of wisdom from their parenting experiences. B eing an aunt and a teacher has given me a lot of personal knowledge on my strengths and weaknesses as an authority figure.

I have discovered I have a lot of work to do on myself before I am ready to parent. I am glad I have begun to pinpoint specific areas in my life I want to target before we're even thinking about having a baby. I desperately want a baby now, but I know it would be wise to wait at least one more year so we can increase our savings prior to my exit from the workforce. This might sound stupid, but having a kitten has also shown me areas I need to work at.

I need to learn how to better manage our finances. I am the bill payer in our family. I keep track of our statements and how much we need for our monthly bills and how much will go into savings and how much will be spent frivolously or on gifts. This month especially has been a drain in the gift department. But I just love Christmas! I know I am a very materialistic person. I have been working on this since entering college. I know that material objects will not bring me happiness. I have been trying to simplify my life. Slowly I am beginning to see the silliness of name brands when off brands are often times just as good. I am beginning to see how ridiculous it is to spend over 100$ on a purse when some of my favorites have been less than 20$. (Although, Coach purses are still a big weakness to me) I try to think long term. If I keep spending money on new clothes, new purses, and new books it will be just that much longer before we move into a town house, and then a house of our own, and then put Matt through Grad School, and then start our family. Those things are much more worthwhile than a new purse I probably won't use for more than a year tops. My favorite purses now I don't intend on getting rid of anytime soon so I don't need a new purse. I just need to keep that mindset. It's hard though. I am a very materialistic person. It's a hard lifestyle to break.

I need to learn how to make the most of each and every day. Not just as a child of God furthering the kingdom (which, of course, is the whole purpose of life) but also in the many errands that ever impose on the life of a wife. I find it hard to keep up with the household chores and duties of being a wife. That list will magnify tenfold with just our first baby! I need to learn how to manage my time better. I take my spare time for granted. I often leave my chores until the weekend. This has been working so far, but I should put into practice what my mother always used to say to me, "Don't put it down, put it away!" I leave my messes around the house until the weekend and then go about cleaning and organizing and sweeping and dusting. Our house is generally pretty neat and tidy, but this week it has been horrible for some reason. And I hate it.

I need to learn to be more independent. I hate doing things by myself and I am a perpetual follower. Which is why I love being an Assistant Teacher so much. I am a follower. It is hard for me to take charge and be the leader of the pack. I always want Matt to come with me when I run my errands which is another reason things are often left to the last minute. With our differing work schedules it is hard for us to find time when we can run around town for a few hours. In our down time we both have different things we need to get done so it really isn't fair for me to expect him to come with me when I am perfectly capable of doing things on my own. My oil didn't get changed until 1300 miles over the suggested marker because I wanted Matt to go with me. That's how dependent I am on others. I hate doing things by myself. It's a good thing I got married because if I lived alone nothing would ever get done. True, once I have a baby I will always have company in the grocery store etc. But it will be different and much more stressful. I need to learn to do things on my own when I have the time. I spend too much time reading and sleeping now.

There are so many more things I need to change about myself! But most importantly, I wish to be a fountain of spiritual knowledge for my children. Of course, I want them to model their lives after me so I need to be the kind of model worthy of their admiration. But I also want to be able to answer their questions about Bible stories at every age. That is something I most respected about my Dad. I could always go to him with my questions about the Bible and he always seemed to know the answers. If he didn't know the exact answer to something he would have an answer that would satisfy me. I swear he knows all the different characters of the Bible and their stories. I want to be that to my children. I want to always know the answer. I want to know the people they're talking about and be able to give more background information. I want to challenge my children in their faith and teach them to own it for themselves. I want to make the Bible come to life for them and not just be a book with good stories in it. I want to teach them the fun and adventure stories, the sad stories we might cry over, and the boring stories. I want them to know how important the whole of Scripture is, even Leviticus. I appreciate Leviticus because I realize "how good we have it now". That may not be the best way of looking at things since we have actually come farther away from obedience to the Lord because we no longer have all the rules and regulations of old, but it sure is nice not to have to worry about all the different forms of sacrifice for sins. We so often take Jesus' sacrifice for our lives for granted in this aspect. Because he was our sacrifice we no longer have to work through priests and make burnt offerings to the Lord. I want my children to always know they can come to me with any questions they might have on the Bible. I may not be much good to them with science or calculus or statistics, but the Bible is something I should be an expert on. I have started forgetting some basic Bible stories. I have been going to Sunday School since twos and threes. I have had Bible class in school since Preschool through college. And yet somehow I have begun to forget the basics. Not good.

So much to work on. So much to learn. And I hope to be a mother in another year and a half. I probably won't be for a little longer than that if Matthew gets his way, but I would sure like to get pregnant this summer. But I don't know if I can mature enough in seven months time to be prepared for motherhood. It's such an important role, that of the mother. I hope to do well in it.

We got raspberry sherbet today. My favorite. I plan on enjoying some tonight.