Sometimes life is just lonely. Now don't get me wrong. I've had a surprisingly amazing week. I've been able to spend a lot of time with Matthew, which is nice since I didn't think I'd have time to see him at all this week. I haven't had homework overload like I thought I was going to. I've actually been enjoying work, I lucked out and got an amazing class for the week. And I met a new best friend, a new face care regimen! Yet still, sometimes I miss my friends. And they just don't quite understand. It's hard to explain... well no, it's relatively easy to explain. But you all know me, I keep everything to myself. And I try to fix what cannot be fixed on my own. One area I'm extremely independent in. Ah well. Eventually I will have to either have a melt down and we'll have a good cry and get it all out of the way... or I will just continue on and be my own beekeeper... I'm not sure what that means, but it was in a book or movie or something and it sounds right.

I have an album full of wonderful engagement pictures of myself and my handsome fiance now! Could not BE more happy. I can't wait to show them off to my family and friends back home. A few of the black and white proofs are on facebook for the curious out there. We have 142 to many more besides just the 60 online. I'm more than happy to share them with anyone interested. Having photo shoots are really really fun. I'm hoping to get a new camera lens over either Thanksgiving or Christmas break so next spring will be lots of random photo shoots with my friends! Yes yes, not everybody will want to be my friend, I know.

Sometimes life is really really hard. And I've been remembering just how Great our Lord is. I hadn't forgotten, but He never ceases to teach me. And I have so much more to learn. I have been working on patience for years and I probably will for the rest of my life. But I really need to work on faith. Without faith, what is there in this life? I need to have such strong faith in my God. He can bring me to anyplace and He can lead me through anything... and yet here I sit all "woe is me woe is me... I'm Job..." when my Lord is just waiting to use me. I am a loser on winning team. It's time for me to start acting like a winner.

I like to listen to the radio in the car, but mostly I just sing into the silence. It's rather ridiculous actually. I test out my range and try notes I would never try with an audience, and usually I like what I hear much more than when I'm singing when people can hear. Funny how that happens, huh? Well tonight was no exception. I was on my way back from J.Crew driving a little faster than necessary trying to beat the curfew rush onto campus (which worked out perfectly as I got a much coveted spot in front of the dorm), and I was just singing away to myself and to God. Sometimes I sing church songs, sometimes old hymns that I like, sometimes point of grace or avalon songs, and a lot of the time I renew old Chorale songs. They really are my favorites. I was signing Redeemer and Mary Did You Know tonight. Redeemer is one of my favorite songs of all time. Hands down. Just great lyrics and melodies and it is just one of my favorite expressions of God. Because our God truly is the one who taught this earth how to function. He created each part with a specific function and it all somehow works together so amazingly well. No one else could have ever thought up so many different things for one planet and have them work together. I started singing Mary Did You Know because I'm getting into the Christmas spirit. And of course, I start crying when I hit the second verse. I choke my way through the chorus one more time and then I have to stop and simply hum the rest. It's such a beautiful song. Nothing especially powerful in the words alone, but thinking of Mary. How special she must have been. How much pain she must have gone through. Watching her baby boy being brutally tortured and ridiculed, then finally crucified. God sent His son to earth knowing what must happen. Mary gave birth to her firstborn love without knowing that only 33 shorts years later he would be ripped from her in the worst way possible. I can just imagine her holding her precious little baby, could she see in his eyes the faces of the whole world? Did she feel the powerful love He held within Him? Did she know? Did she wonder? Did she fear? I cannot imagine being Mary, and I would never wish to be in her shoes. I do not think I could have handled it. But, unfortunately, God would never have chosen me. Just something for me to think about.

My favorite part of the song, the crescendo. I imagine the angels in heaven sounding like this someday

Did you know the blind will see
The Deaf will hear The Dead will Live again
The lame will leap The Dumb will speak
The Praises of the Lamb...

And they will. We all will one day. For He is the one and only perfect Lamb, our sacrifice.

Christmas is coming. Prepare yourself.