I have so many thoughts going through my head. I simply must write them all down.

Something struck me today. Is this man's lack or God's plan? When reading good books, or even horrible and pointless books, we can recall details that seem unimportant. We can tell the story to someone later and spare them the time of reading the good or bad book. We can tell the differences between the book and the movie. We can re-read it again and pick up some new pieces of information, but for the most part we remember, sometimes even quote these novels. Is this so true with the Bible as well? I know some stories... but do I know the details written into Scripture? Why is it that I can re-read these books and find probably hundreds of new things each time I read even the shortest book. Philemon or Jude for example. How many times have I read these? I can give you a basic overview, but each time I think to myself, "How did I miss this last time?" Today my fiance and I were talking about who we would like to meet from the Bible if we could only meet one, excluding Jesus. You may think this is something trivial and silly, but it led to a great discussion. We talked about the characters in the Bible that we respect but we just wouldn't have gotten along with. Matt and Paul, for example, would not have been good friends. I probably couldn't stand most of the characters I think I love so well. John and Daniel. They are my favorites, but would I really have been friends with them? I'm not so sure. Anyways, we came to Samuel finally. We were trying to find people (I shouldn't have referred to them as characters) who had nothing negative written about them. Sure they probably did sin like everyone else, but was anything negative written about Daniel? And then we came to Samuel and Eli. We discussed their lives. But we couldn't remember how he died. We couldn't remember most of his life. We both agreed that we'd want to meet him (maybe not if we had only one person, but he's on the list) but we knew little about him. And how many times have I read the Samuel and Kings? It's sad really. How can I not keep this information in my head when I can literally quote the Harry Potter books? I know the exact wording. Is this just a problem with me? Or do others struggle with this as well. And is it supposed to be like this a little so we continue to learn from the same book over and over? Probably a little, different verses are emphasized due to what we need at that time, but I'm sure I should know more than I do. More studying. That's what I need.

I have learned just how far I have to go before I'm ready to be Matt's wife. I have so much to do in the next year. So much work to be done on my heart. I need a cleansing. I need to work on my life and my priorities. I need to stop being so stinkin selfish. I need to be patient and loving. I need to care. I need to flat out grow up. I can't blame myself on anyone else anymore. It's time to take responsibility.

I have been so blessed with my friends. It really hit me tonight. Just one simple picture was all it took. I saw that picture and I knew. I'll never have friends like this again. We've already begun to go our separate ways as we grow and life spreads us out. We'll always be friends. But never again will we be but a few doors apart. Never again will we be able to hold midnight powwows and parties. Never again will we be able to stop by just to give a hug and say hello. It's awfully sad. But I love them. With all of my heart. And I don't know what I'd do without them.

I have rediscovered ebay. I had a phase where I spent entirely too much time on it. I had to stop because I was beginning to spend too much money. But I "needed" something that I could only find on ebay. I've been looking and looking... and finally... I found it! It's perfect! I debated waiting and seeing if it would get bought. But everytime I do that the item does get purchased by someone else and I kick myself in the pants for it later. So I went ahead. I'll ask for it for a birthday present, or I'll just buy it myself. I don't care. It's wonderful. I'm happy. I hope when it comes in it's everything I want it to be. No, I won't tell you what it was because it's a petty little thing... but I thought it over a lot before I started looking... and now that I've found it, I'm satisfied. I'm so happy.

But more importantly, I'm happy because I am loved. Matthew Steven Iveson loves me. Life is wonderful.