Sometimes I question God. I think this is good though. But of course, God is always right.

I had a huge let down a few days ago. But God has been good, as always. And I never doubted that. I have been doubting myself and trying to make excuses, but in the end God always knows best. And I am thankful for it.

It's funny how so much can change in the matter of a few days. I have decided that I want my roommate to stay at Liberty next year, room with me, be it on campus or off. She's not sure she'll be returning or she might do DLP for a year or so. That makes me sad. She's been a good roommate and I've been a brat most of the year. I also don't know where I'll be living next year. I thought I had figured out where I would be and what I would be doing but everything has changed. Now I have to decide if i want to live on campus or off. Which dorm I want to live in if I stay on. If I want to go over the East for my last year. Or if I want to fight to move off campus and get a house or apartment. That would be nice. The downside is my only close friends at Liberty are staying on campus and living in Dorm 1.

Now Dorm 1 has it's perks. I can't get over how close it is to everyone. And it's the more inexpensive dorm on campus. But then again, it could also be called the "cheapest" dorm on campus as well. I would have 2 roommates which I don't like the sounds of. I wouldn't mind living with 2 girls. That's not it. I just don't know where all our stuff would go and I couldn't live in a lot of clutter. A little clutter yes. I'm definitely not a neat freak. But I like having enough space that my stuff doesn't all have to be organized perfectly. Oh dearie me. If I moved off I would have my own room and my own closet. I would even consider moving into a single bedroom apartment and living by myself. It would get lonely, yes, but Matt's already told me he would get me a kitten. So I'd have a little friend. And I'd be in the same neighborhood as Matt and his roommate for next year.

So many decisions to make. My friends think that God is trying to get me to stop planning my future because I am widely known for that. But I have to plan a little. I don't want to get stuck in some random dorm because I couldn't move off campus and I couldn't get into the dorm I wanted. So I have a lot of decisions to make.

Life is hard sometimes. And most of the time i have no idea what God is doing and where He is leading me. But I guess that's not an entirely bad thing. I've been praying for more faith and I guess this is just God asking me to jump. I can't complain about an opportunity to trust God more and more.

I want God to use me next year. I want ot remain open to Him. I want to be placed outside of my comfort zone. I want to be courageous. I want to love people. I want to give everything I have. I want so much. But will I be bold enough to follow through? When the time comes will I be lazy as I have been so often before, or will I step up and accept the challenge?