Confusion. So many decisions and not enough time to make them. I hate making hasty decisions. I hate feeling like the rest of my life lies on one decision. In reality, of course, this is not the case. My life will go on quite splendidly with either of the choices I make, but it will change my future in large ways from one to the other. I feel like I need a strong sign from God. Maybe I'll get one. Maybe this is just one of those things I have to decide for myself and God will just work through whichever.
I have been extremely tired lately. All I ever want to do is sleep. Which, of course, I do not have time for. I stay awake late at night because my second wind comes to taunt me. I wake up early to shower and make myself decent looking (I hate looking ruffled) and go to class and about my day. I pass up opportunities for a nap because, I mean really, there's just so much else to do with my time than sleep in the middle of the day. And I put off studying until the last possible minute because for some reason I've gotten it ingrained in my skull that cramming helps me retain more information? Which cannot actually be true. If I studying for a week beforehand I would most likely ace all my classes. But I can't bring myself to do that. B's on tests are apparently acceptable now... and usually I come out with an A in the class anyways. How does that work? I feel as though I'm cheating.
I read 1 and 2 Timothy last night. I needed to hear some things that would not be found in Ecclesiastes where I am currently reading. I scrolled down the contents page at the beginning of my Bible and landed on the Timothys. It had been awhile since I read them and could only recall about 3 verses from both books. I started reading and could not stop. Two verses stood out to me:

This is a statement that can be trusted and deserves complete acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, and I am the foremost sinner. However, I was treated with mercy so that Christ Jesus could use me, the foremost sinner, to demonstrate his patience. This patience serves as an example for those who would believe in him and live forever.
1 Timothy 1: 15-16

But you must keep a clear hear in everything. Endure suffering. Do the work of a missionary. Devote yourself completely to your work.
2 Timothy 4:5

I've been holding back on God. I have not allowed him to use me in every posisble way. I have kept certain parts of my life to myself. I refuse to wake up early. I refuse to do something beneficial to me instead of something kind for another person. I am selfish. I am cruel. I am lonely. And God is just waiting for me to open up so he can use me.
Today is going to be a wonderful day!