What is love?
It's sad when the first words that come to mind after those three is "Baby, don't hurt me... don't hurt me... no more..." and you see Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell doing the head bob. I guess that's very fitting seeing as what the rest of this post is going to be about. That oh so "wonderful" stage of my life.
Looking back on my life, Senior year of highschool really was one of the best years of my life. I had great friends. I had great experiences. And I was dating the love of my life. But now... it's like I missed something that year. Well, maybe I missed it for that whole Baptist experience. And now, I have to figure out where I stand. If I'm going to let this "missed thing" continue on into life, if I'm going to be completely retarded and "fix it", or if I'm going to just forget it and live.
So back to the beginning, what is love?
I'm not asking that as if I'm questioning my love for Matthew. So don't worry about that. I love Matthew completely and fully. He is the absolute love of my life and I can't believe I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him. I hope we can both grow old together and die in each other's arms of old age like in the Notebook. No, it's not about that at all.
Every once in awhile, I have this dream. Not the same one, it's not recurring. It varies each time. But it has the same basic content. And I wake up and I wonder. I begin to think. There are two other realities I feel are coexisting with mine. Kinda like in Sliding Doors, the movie. I don't remember how the ending turns out in the movie... but we'll see how this little play I'm in turns out.
Sometimes I feel a bit silly for all of this. And it's hard to explain it to anyone. It's like I have one thing I need to do to make it all go away. But I just can't do it. It's not good or right. It just is. But I'm afraid none of this will change unless it happens.
I'm not making any sense am I?
Oh well.
Love.
I love my friends.
I love my fiance.
I love my God.
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