a good reminder

Just an hour agao, a hummingbird was trapped in our garage. They come here to Colorado in the summer, to mate and nest and to feast upon the flowers that fill our garden. We love to watch them zipping around, hovering, performing acrobatics in the air. First they go straight up, up, up for thirty feet or so, like a helicopter or like those whirligigs we plays with as kids, then plunge straight down as fast as they can, pulling out of a nosedive at the last possble moment to race back up and do it again. Then again. They are playfulness squeezed into a tiny size.
If you get a closer look, these delicate little birds shimmer like emeralds, bright green breasts no bigger than your thumb but glittering like the crown jewels. Others have deep brilliant red throats that glisten in the sun like rubies. They are like living rainbows, flying around our backyard- something out of a fairy tale. Carefree, lovely reminders of God. And then, today, one mistook the open garage door for a new passageway, and once she flew in, she couldn't find her way back out. Poor little thing. She became increasingly panicked as she careened against a window, desperately trying to get back to the world she could see before her, blocked by some invisible shield.
My son Blaine went in to rescue her. His brother Sam's been able to get a few other captives to rest on the end of a long stick, which he then takes out the door and, whoosh, off they go into life. But this one panicked even further, making a mad dash across the garage toward another window she perceived as a way out. She crashed against the window at full speed and fell to the floor. Blaine picked her up with a pair of gloves on his hands and took her outside to see if he could revive her. For about fifteen munutes things didn't look good, but then she came back to life and flew away.
What struck me was the compassion and concern we all felt for the rescue of this litle jewel. The whole family dropped what we were doing and got involved. (Didn't you feel bad for her as I told her tale?) Now, Jesus said, don't you think God cares just a little bit more for you than for the birds of the air? "Are you not much more valuable than they?" (Matt. 6:26) Indeed, you are. You, dear heart, are the crown of creation, his glorious image bearer. And he will do everthing it takes to rescue you and set your heart free.

Taken from Captivating by John and Stasi Elderidge

I read that and it calmed my fast-paced heart. I indeed, felt so sorry for this poor little bird. And I have felt sorry for countless of her brothers and sister who have been trapped in my own garage or in other enclosed areas desperately looking for the secret to the windows and glass doors keeping them from their homes. I often feel like these birds. I am trapped in a place where I am lost and alone. I do not know where to go next or how to free myself. But God is always with me. He is always there to provide my escape route. He opens windows and unlocks doors. He makes the impossible possible and he guides me aways from harm. He loves me and he promises to always provide for me. Why do I fear? Why do I doubt? Why do I get so upset at silly little things?

I have discovered that I am a very angry person. I am not proud of it. I am trying to fix it. But somehow, along my life's path, I have developed a cold shell. Some people may never see this side of me. Some will only see the side of me I wish I could be all the time. But I am an angry person to my very core. I get upset easily. I lack self control. And that tells me that I am not who I need to be yet. (of course) I am not allowing the Spirit to fill me as I should. I am closing my heart to Him and to all He could do through me and for me. I am being ignorant and selfish and down right stupid. I am only hurting myself and hurting others. And I'm too stubborn to make a difference. But not anymore. Now I am being proactive. Now I am taking control. Well, giving up control actually. I am taking control of this bad habit and horrible lifestyle but giving up complete control to my Father and His Holy Spirit. I want Him to fill me up so completely that there is not more room for anger and bitterness and spite. I want to be a pleasant person. I lovely person.

On a different note: Life has begun to settle down. I am now done with two of my three summer intensives. I only have one more week of my online intensive then I'm done with schooling until August. Yay. Last week I had FACS 455 for 8 hours a day with Prof. Corsini and pretty much the most amazing class ever. We had some pretty amazing times. It was the best class I've had at Liberty to date. I'm sad that it's over. But also glad that I don't have early mornings anymore or homework and group projects to fuss over. That's right. A week long intensive and everybody had to do two group projects! Yeah, lots to do. So now I only have one more weeks worth of assignments to do, one last final exam and I'm done.

Work has been slowing down. I have been able to leave early for the past three days in a row. That makes me happy. More time to spend with the love of my life. Sure it makes for a little smaller paycheck, but good quality time is worth far more than money. I learned that in my last class. (well, I knew that before) You can always earn more money but you can't buy back people once they're gone. One of the girls in my class had an aunt die while we were in class. Her group projct was on money management and she stressed this point. She can always make more money and buy more things, but she can't buy her aunt back or buy more time with her. Too hard a truth. Work has been good. I haven't had that many rude customers, and when I do it makes for good stories later. I try not to complain about these customers too much though. I get aggravated just like all of them. And I've gotten a few calls from Woodland Mall back home. With these customers I've even made some connections with people we know! It's always a nice thing to hear a voice from good ole GR.

We've hit a snag in the engagement plans. We just found out that my ring has to be custom made due to the size of my finger. They don't make the ring I want small enough and it's difficult to resize it down to the size I need. So we're having it custom ordered... but it will take 6-8 weeks. Yeah. Not good. We really don't want to wait that long. Thankfully, our parents are letting us go ahead and reserve our ceremony and reception locations for our wedding. And I think we've set our date. It depends on if the two locations we want are available on this date. More to come on this topic when I have the ring on my finger. But plans are falling together nicely. And I can wait for my ring. It's what I really want. They only other option is to shop somewhere else and see if they carry smaller rings or to get a solitaire and have it sized down to what I need. Neither of which I like too much. I really like my ring, so I can wait until late July or early August. Urg. wish we would've known this sooner.

I'm going to Georgia with Matt's family in two weekends! That'll be so much fun. We're going to a baseball game (Tigers vs. Braves) and I'm excited because I've actually heard of both of those teams! Then on Saturday we're going to 6 Flags! Woot. That will be lots of fun. We'll get to see Josh and Jamie also so that will be nice as we don't get to see them much. Mark and Brittany are coming down with Matt's parents and we see them just as often as Josh and Jamie now that we're staying in VA. So it'll be a nice vacation to get to see everyone. And Mrs. Iveson's birthday is Sunday so we're having brunch with the family to celebrate. Promises to be a great weekend. Hopefully Matt and I will get a chance to talk to his parents about our wedding plans then. They know we're getting engaged this summer and about our snags with the ring. So pretty much we'd be engaged by the time we went down there if we didn't have to wait for the ring to come in. So I'd like to tell them our ideas. I want to include them in the planning as much as possible. It will be difficult though since I'll be planning down here. But it'll be fun.